Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
