Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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