Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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