well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
