good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
