I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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