I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize