You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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