I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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