My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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