i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
