Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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