you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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