Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
