If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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