yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
