there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
