I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
