Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
