Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
