Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My feet surprised me
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