i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
