yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
