i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize