one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVEâ€
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
