Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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