can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
