this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
well you can't waste a boner
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
