Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We have started to decorate penises.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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