I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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