I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
