getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
