I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the day after is always just damage control
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize