i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
