if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
