god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
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What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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