I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
