remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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