Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize