my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I AM VODKA MAN
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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