its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
