there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
