you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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