FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
50% drunk capacity currently
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
