You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm really into asian looking animals
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
