I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
