no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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