so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
do herpes really smell.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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