How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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