I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
