My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
