so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
