I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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