I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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