my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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