I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
