dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
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Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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