Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
