so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
