Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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