since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
