oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
