I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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