sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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