Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
