At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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