He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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