R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
