I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
