Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
