All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
