Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
