My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
this just has baby written all over it
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
