Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
