yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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