I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
