Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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